Outside Looking In

Have you ever felt that you had stepped out of your faith? You find yourself on the outside looking in. . . in at your trust in God. All of a sudden you realize you are capable of thinking like a doubter and feeling cynical like a scoffer. I know I haven't lost my faith. I'm reading God's word every day, praying, and reading books such as It's Not About Me by Max Lucado to build my understanding and faith. Searching. . .

Maybe this is brought on by unanswered prayer. Maybe I've challenged God to provide and answer my prayers on my own time table not His. I walk through my days wanting to be in His will. . .looking for where He could work in my life and those around me. Am I where I should be? Just to do what I want to do to make a living-is it worth losing ground financially and missing out on time with my kids? I find myself becoming apathetic and cynical. But then, have I really done all I can do to accomplish the most that I can during this time? What are my priorities? Time with my kids, career goals, insurance, security, or following my heart? How can they all tie in together somehow?

Found on the walls of the classroom I was in today, these words gradually drew my attention. . . There is no elevator to success, you have to take the stairs. I would love to step onto a elevator, push the up button and step out into my first teaching job. But I find myself taking each stair, one day at a time, not knowing how many stairs I will have to climb.

"Why do people struggle? Trust me in your times of trouble and I will rescue you, and you will give me glory. Psalm 50:15

Is there any chance, any possibility, that you have been selected to struggle for God's glory? ...Here's a clue. Do your prayers seem to be unanswered? What you request and what you receive aren't matching up? Don't think God isn't listening. Indeed He is. He may have higher plans.

When our deepest desire is not the things of God, or a favor from God, but God Himself, we cross a threshold. "

It's Not About Me
Max Lucado

Oh, Lord, I'm back. As I seek you, I find peace. I've been reading these verses and memorizing them each night.

Blessed is the man(woman)who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked
or stand in the way of sinners
or sit in the seat of mockers.
But his(her) delight is in the law of the LORD,
and on his law he(she) meditates day and night.
He(she) is like a tree planted by streams of water,
which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither.
Whatever he(she) does prospers.

Psalm 1:1

I'm ready for more, something deeper. God doesn't abandon me in my search. He leads me to Him.