I have come to the conclusion that I have spent most of my life trying to be more than I am,
while at the same time, believing that I am less than I am.
Now, if the two views could just meet in the middle. . .
I've been doing my usual soul searching these days. I love when my various trains of thought end up at the same station and I start to put the pieces together of a new puzzle that helps life make a little bit more sense.
It's then I find that I'm one more step down the path, on one more leg of the journey. . .one more light coming on in the caverns of my mind.
I picked up two new books at the library this afternoon. Traveling Light, by Max Lucado and The Prayer That Changes Everything, by Stormie Omartian. God is drawing my eyes back to Himself and away from me.
Over the past week, I've been experiencing so much exhaustion. The smallest thing could send me over the edge and tears were ready to overflow at any moment. I really wasn't sure what was causing this emotion. I just knew I was completely overwhelmed with life. I couldn't carry my load. I felt pressure pushing in from all sides with nowhere for me to go! I felt as though I were a disappointment in every area of my life, to everyone in my life, including God. Recently I heard that "whenever we are poked, whatever we are full of comes out." I certainly experienced that this week!
Max Lucado writes, "traveling light means trusting God with the burdens you were never intended to bear".
Casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you. I Peter 5:7
Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28
Stormie Omartian writes of praising God. " And then I sensed the amazing love of God and the joy of the Lord. I had never known that before. It fully existed without depending on circumstances, material possessions, or acceptance of man. It was there because of the presence of God alone. That was my day of freedom. My personal independence day. Joy did not depend on anything other than being in the presence of God and allowing His presence to overflow me with His love. I received all that while praising God.
Our greatest blessing comes when we take the focus off of ourselves and put it entirely on God in worship and praise. Isn't it just like our wonderful Lord to make something that is all about Him be the thing that blesses us the most when we do it?" Simply put in my own words, when I lift God up in praise, He lifts my heart.
But from there you will seek the LORD your God, and you will find Him if you search for Him with all your heart and all your soul. Deuteronomy 4:29
Seek the LORD and His strength; Seek His face continually. Psalm 105:4
But as for me, I shall sing of Your strength, Yes, I shall joyfully sing of Your lovingkindness in the morning,
For You have been my stronghold and a refuge in the day of my distress. O My Strength, I will sing praises to You
For God is my stronghold, the God who shows me lovingkindness. Psalm 59:16-17