Saturday, July 5, 2008

Soul Searching

I have come to the conclusion that I have spent most of my life trying to be more than I am, while at the same time, believing that I am less than I am.

Now, if the two views could just meet in the middle. . .

I've been doing my usual soul searching these days. I love when my various trains of thought end up at the same station and I start to put the pieces together of a new puzzle that helps life make a little bit more sense.

It's then I find that I'm one more step down the path, on one more leg of the journey. . .one more light coming on in the caverns of my mind.

I picked up two new books at the library this afternoon. Traveling Light, by Max Lucado and The Prayer That Changes Everything, by Stormie Omartian. God is drawing my eyes back to Himself and away from me.

Over the past week, I've been experiencing so much exhaustion. The smallest thing could send me over the edge and tears were ready to overflow at any moment. I really wasn't sure what was causing this emotion. I just knew I was completely overwhelmed with life. I couldn't carry my load. I felt pressure pushing in from all sides with nowhere for me to go! I felt as though I were a disappointment in every area of my life, to everyone in my life, including God. Recently I heard that "whenever we are poked, whatever we are full of comes out." I certainly experienced that this week!

Max Lucado writes, "traveling light means trusting God with the burdens you were never intended to bear".

Casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you. I Peter 5:7

Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28

Stormie Omartian writes of praising God. " And then I sensed the amazing love of God and the joy of the Lord. I had never known that before. It fully existed without depending on circumstances, material possessions, or acceptance of man. It was there because of the presence of God alone. That was my day of freedom. My personal independence day. Joy did not depend on anything other than being in the presence of God and allowing His presence to overflow me with His love. I received all that while praising God.

Our greatest blessing comes when we take the focus off of ourselves and put it entirely on God in worship and praise. Isn't it just like our wonderful Lord to make something that is all about Him be the thing that blesses us the most when we do it?" Simply put in my own words, when I lift God up in praise, He lifts my heart.

But from there you will seek the LORD your God, and you will find Him if you search for Him with all your heart and all your soul. Deuteronomy 4:29

Seek the LORD and His strength; Seek His face continually. Psalm 105:4

But as for me, I shall sing of Your strength, Yes, I shall joyfully sing of Your lovingkindness in the morning,

For You have been my stronghold and a refuge in the day of my distress. O My Strength, I will sing praises to You

For God is my stronghold, the God who shows me lovingkindness. Psalm 59:16-17


Karen M said...

I sure enjoyed seeing you last night, but we still really didn't get much chance to catch up on life. I'm sorry you've been struggling so much. I continue to see you shine brightest in your darkest hours. You have praise and peace inside and that does shine forth when you are poked. Love you!!

Just Joni said...

I love love love this post for many know when you do a hands-on activity with a child and you need to explain very patiently and soft how to do whatever it is and why we do it this way because any other way just might not work...? That's kind of how I look at soul searching...God has turned us inward so that we might understand how the pieces fit together....and with scissors in hand we cut and trim and what we produce always looks imperfect to us...but God knows all of our stages and don't be too hard on yourself, you could never be more or less than anything with God in your heart ~ trust in who you are.

sending you love ~

Karen said...

Wow, Joni, that was great. Thanks for giving me the perfect picture of how God works. It's so true

~Red Tin Heart~ said...

Really wonderful post! I have been going to church faithfully for the past 2 months. I almost quit when John died.
I was so discouraged that people did not seem to care about me from my church. But I still prayed and read my Bible at home.
But one day the Holy Spirit spoke to my heart, "You don't go to church to worship people, you go to worship God."
"He will take care of your needs. And send people to love and care for you."
From that day forward I have set my will to seek God with my whole heart. To seek His will for my life. And He has sent me friends who love and care for me.
xoxo Nita

Video Promotions said...

I like Stormie Omartian's books too!
Have you seen her great videos?
I found some of Stormie's video previews here:

Cindra said...

Great post. Too many times we think we can fix everything, we shouldn't burden God with our problems, they are not important enough. I have experienced the point in time where I couldn't do any more and I asked my mother to hand it over to God and I would, too. I told her he would answer, but it might not be in the form we thought it should be. Sometimes he talks and we aren't hearing because we are expecting something else. This time God answered and we heard. His way was not one I would have thought of, but it worked and it saved us. Your post has once again reminged me how Great He is. Thank you.

Today's Christian Mom~ said...

Wow~ that was an amazing post. I loved the opening and I read it over and over. Thank you!